Sunday, April 3, 2011

Hello Mudder Hello Fadder...

My Parents are dead. My mother went to her next life when I was twenty two. My father joined her when I was about thirty five. That asshole cancer got them both.  I'm at peace with this, most of the time. They raised me to understand death. There were no dichotomies of religion in my house. They both believed they would just "change clothes" and move on.  So, that is what they did.

I never feel sadness or pain about them leaving. I do sometimes battle with the images left in my mind of their actual exit. Cancer and it's "treatments" can leave your loved ones quite wounded.  Both times I had to speak for them and say it's time to stop this modern torture medicine. I did that because that is how they raised me. I knew they would want to be free.

Now that Ava is here, I'm struggling just a bit with their absence.  I know they would all enjoy each others company so very much. I am not going to choose a path of sadness. I am going to channel their best qualities. I am going to let Ava know them through me. I will channel their love of theater. I will bring out my mothers love of all things childlike, fairies, elves, toys, games etc... I will show her my fathers love of nature and his general reverence for life. Neither of them lived perfect lives. None of us do.

I will resurrect their good parts for my child. She will still have them as grandparents. She will still be able to love them. I will tell her the stories of how I was raised by wolves...

photo of the wolves taken by me age 5'ish


  1. This piece made me cry in front of my daughter. I think of what I will tell her about her grandpa Terry and how siggies and food killed her moms dad.
    Maybe the raised by one wolf will work for me. I love you kiki and wish we could live closer. I feel like some tea and a talk with you would be a blessings H