Saturday, May 7, 2011

Sh#t Jenny M. Didn't Even Tell You...

Somehow, somewhere along time and space the great sisterhood became secretive. I don't know if it's female misogyny or if we just don't disclose details that we think will make us look weak. Women just don't share enough. When other women talk to you about being pregnant they may talk of morning sickness or getting fat. They never tell you that you may get red welts with itchy hives.

"Oh did you get the seeping red welts yet?"
"The WHAT?"
" The seeping red welts, you know like your body is allergic to the baby, happens all the time."

WTF! Shouldn't we tell each other this shit? Are we so obsessed with being perfect we can't warn each other of possible horrific calamities. We have to wake up all on our own one day with fire welts. Then we run around the house looking for that stupid "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" book. Quickly turn to the index and ...then what? Where does one even begin to look in the index? Signs of demonic possession...flesh eating, no...Oh here it is ,
" welts filled with hives can be common in first preganancies..."
Really? Because that was not in the little handout  my midwife gave me.
So, off to the store to get a vat of calamine lotion.
Let me just say now sisters,as soon as you get a positive pregnancy test buy the vat of calamine lotion. Lots of things are going to make you itch and you can only take so much Benadryl.

Until next time,Happy Mothers Day!
My 40th Birthday, welted and wide :)


  1. I did my best to give you the gory details :( but even I didn't expect the blue twinkies! even after being warned by Jenny ;)

  2. u did a good job - but your horror was only a few weeks ahead of mine i did however live in fear of a hemorrhoid for nine months