Saturday, April 9, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Ava's Birth Story
I have been laboring (really no pun intended but,we'll go with it) ahem, I have been laboring over how to write Ava's birth story. It's all so surreal and drawn out. I could not figure out how to form a cohesive tale without sounding like a psychedelic windbag.
I had a What To Expect When You Are Expecting pregnancy journal. I was horrible at writing in it. I did however plunk down some notes in the birth section immediately after I came home from the hospital. Tonight, moments ago, I referred to those notes. It's kind of like a little Q and A. The journal asks q's and I a'd. I'm going to write this out as is, like an interview with myself. I'll embellish a little when need be.
First phase began: 7/30/2010 sometime in the early am (guessing 6ish)
How I felt physically: good
How I felt emotionally : good
I arrived at the birthing center at: 10ish pm on 7/30/2010
When I arrived, here's what happened: My contractions were 1 minute apart and I was in some serious pain. I was having a hell of a time centering and moving away from the pain with just 1 minute to prepare for the next one. They start you off in triage with other laboring mothers.They hooked me up to monitors and made me lay down. That sucked. I was only comfortable standing up. Eventually I ripped the monitors off and begged to go to my room.
My labor nurse: Her name was Megan. She was the bomb.
My room number was: The dope ass corner suite.
Who was with me: Daddy
What I ate: proletariat pizza a few hours prior.
What I did between contractions: Fucking wailed like a banshee and decided I was no longer scared of a needle in my spine-GIMMEE DRUGS. My original plan was to labor in these awesome bath tubs they have. Water has always soothed me. I could live in water. They made me a nice bath. I got in and tried to relax. For the first time in my life water failed me. I went totally claustrophobic. I was thrashing in the tub begging to get out. The only way I could mange the pain was to stand and rock back and forth whilst moaning. I was stuck at 3 centimeters. I knew I couldn't make it all night like that. Gods bless the anesthesiologist. Gods bless my nurse. They had to lay me down (OUCH) in fetal position. They had to jam a freaking needle in my spine while I was convulsing. Somehow I was able to use my breath and make it through that part. I must have looked like I was dying because daddy was pretty freaked after the epidural.
Transition began: 10ish pm
How many hours from beginning of labor: 17 hours
*phase one to phase three went super fast I was contracting one on top of another but, I was not dilating and Ava who had been in position started backing up.
How did you feel after the epidural: Better but, freaked out because the pain had been so intense. I can handle a lot of pain. That shit was no joke.
SURGICAL DELIVERY:
The Reason for the C-Section: I originally wrote-Ava needed out.
What was happening was her heart rate was dropping very low with each contraction and she was flipping over(not breech but sunny side up). She was also trying to go back up. Something was wrong.
How I felt emotionally: WTF do you think.Terrified, I have never had surgery in my life. I thought I was going to have natural vaginal childbirth. I was doped and on a surgery table. I was also convulsing big time.
What did the C-section feel like: You know how when you get your wisdom teeth pulled and you can feel it but not feel it at the same time...like that only like four hands are inside of you yanking out a small human.
What was I able to see: Daddy's face
My baby was born at: 5:57am 7/31/2010
Did baby cry right away: As they were yanking her out of me I heard the doctor say "cord".
I knew this meant it was around her neck. I gasped, that was a weird feeling. Gasping with your guts cut open is odd. As soon as I gasped I heard her cry. I knew she was ok. I looked at Daddy. His eyes were huge. I started to cry. They took her off to do what they do. I was so high. I just wanted to see her. I wanted to see she was ok. They let Daddy over where she was. It seemed like forever. I was straining to see her. She was clenching her toes and I couldn't count them. I couldn't tell if all the toes were there. I was losing it, in my head. I started to think she was all fucked up and no one was telling me. Then Megan, my nurse, whispered in my ear that she was perfect. Two seconds later, she was there. Daddy held her face against mine. He also told me she was perfect.
The hardest part of labor and delivery was: DUH
The best part was: hearing her cry
The most unexpected part was: DUH !Oh and when they close you up it sounds like a fucking roofing nail gun. KER-CHUNK KER-CHUNK...WTF I got stapled shut.
The funniest part was: nothing was funny
The nicest thing my partner did for me was : everything
The nicest thing my partner said to me: he said with his eyes
The dumbest thing my partner said or did was: He did nothing dumb. He was perfect.
My message to my baby: I love you
I had a What To Expect When You Are Expecting pregnancy journal. I was horrible at writing in it. I did however plunk down some notes in the birth section immediately after I came home from the hospital. Tonight, moments ago, I referred to those notes. It's kind of like a little Q and A. The journal asks q's and I a'd. I'm going to write this out as is, like an interview with myself. I'll embellish a little when need be.
First phase began: 7/30/2010 sometime in the early am (guessing 6ish)
How I felt physically: good
How I felt emotionally : good
I arrived at the birthing center at: 10ish pm on 7/30/2010
When I arrived, here's what happened: My contractions were 1 minute apart and I was in some serious pain. I was having a hell of a time centering and moving away from the pain with just 1 minute to prepare for the next one. They start you off in triage with other laboring mothers.They hooked me up to monitors and made me lay down. That sucked. I was only comfortable standing up. Eventually I ripped the monitors off and begged to go to my room.
My labor nurse: Her name was Megan. She was the bomb.
My room number was: The dope ass corner suite.
Who was with me: Daddy
What I ate: proletariat pizza a few hours prior.
What I did between contractions: Fucking wailed like a banshee and decided I was no longer scared of a needle in my spine-GIMMEE DRUGS. My original plan was to labor in these awesome bath tubs they have. Water has always soothed me. I could live in water. They made me a nice bath. I got in and tried to relax. For the first time in my life water failed me. I went totally claustrophobic. I was thrashing in the tub begging to get out. The only way I could mange the pain was to stand and rock back and forth whilst moaning. I was stuck at 3 centimeters. I knew I couldn't make it all night like that. Gods bless the anesthesiologist. Gods bless my nurse. They had to lay me down (OUCH) in fetal position. They had to jam a freaking needle in my spine while I was convulsing. Somehow I was able to use my breath and make it through that part. I must have looked like I was dying because daddy was pretty freaked after the epidural.
Transition began: 10ish pm
How many hours from beginning of labor: 17 hours
*phase one to phase three went super fast I was contracting one on top of another but, I was not dilating and Ava who had been in position started backing up.
How did you feel after the epidural: Better but, freaked out because the pain had been so intense. I can handle a lot of pain. That shit was no joke.
SURGICAL DELIVERY:
The Reason for the C-Section: I originally wrote-Ava needed out.
What was happening was her heart rate was dropping very low with each contraction and she was flipping over(not breech but sunny side up). She was also trying to go back up. Something was wrong.
How I felt emotionally: WTF do you think.Terrified, I have never had surgery in my life. I thought I was going to have natural vaginal childbirth. I was doped and on a surgery table. I was also convulsing big time.
What did the C-section feel like: You know how when you get your wisdom teeth pulled and you can feel it but not feel it at the same time...like that only like four hands are inside of you yanking out a small human.
What was I able to see: Daddy's face
My baby was born at: 5:57am 7/31/2010
Did baby cry right away: As they were yanking her out of me I heard the doctor say "cord".
I knew this meant it was around her neck. I gasped, that was a weird feeling. Gasping with your guts cut open is odd. As soon as I gasped I heard her cry. I knew she was ok. I looked at Daddy. His eyes were huge. I started to cry. They took her off to do what they do. I was so high. I just wanted to see her. I wanted to see she was ok. They let Daddy over where she was. It seemed like forever. I was straining to see her. She was clenching her toes and I couldn't count them. I couldn't tell if all the toes were there. I was losing it, in my head. I started to think she was all fucked up and no one was telling me. Then Megan, my nurse, whispered in my ear that she was perfect. Two seconds later, she was there. Daddy held her face against mine. He also told me she was perfect.
The hardest part of labor and delivery was: DUH
The best part was: hearing her cry
The most unexpected part was: DUH !Oh and when they close you up it sounds like a fucking roofing nail gun. KER-CHUNK KER-CHUNK...WTF I got stapled shut.
The funniest part was: nothing was funny
The nicest thing my partner did for me was : everything
The nicest thing my partner said to me: he said with his eyes
The dumbest thing my partner said or did was: He did nothing dumb. He was perfect.
My message to my baby: I love you
 |
| she came to the party with a smile on her face |
Stash Hash Installment 4
The dirty shameful world of customs and couture...
If you choose to cloth diaper there are many good reasons. It's less expensive. It's better for baby. It's better for the earth. You might just like the aesthetics of cloth vs. disposables. Beware! If you fall down the rabbit hole of customs and couture you are seriously fucked. :)
I was innocently cruising cloth diaper searches one night. I stumbled upon CowPatties Cloth diapers facebook page.
Megs of CowPatties will make you any diaper you want in any fabric combo you want. She has dope fabric in stock or you can send her your own. Shit! She has Hello Kitty and Care Bears and Minky Fabrics to die for.
After I found CowPatties it was all downhill...I found site after site of customs and then the worst of all, high end boutique diapers.
In my opinion the best of the best is goodmama. O M G! That woman has serious good taste in fabric. She is also an evil genius. She tempts and teases with preview photos of what will be stocked in her online store on a certain day at a certain time. She does limited runs. Its a fucking feeding frenzy when she stocks. It's over in a matter of seconds and all of her cute ass little dipes are sold out.
She has a cult following (and she deserves it). The fit of her diaper is amazing. Her fabrics aren't just beautiful they are uber soft on the inside. Just do yourself a favor, don't go there. I'm currently in a self imposed twelve step program.
But, hey you only live once might as well snag up a couple of really cute poop catchers... I have to go now, time to see what's stocking at goodmama's.
 | |
| goodmama-sassy tink fitted diaper |
If you choose to cloth diaper there are many good reasons. It's less expensive. It's better for baby. It's better for the earth. You might just like the aesthetics of cloth vs. disposables. Beware! If you fall down the rabbit hole of customs and couture you are seriously fucked. :)
I was innocently cruising cloth diaper searches one night. I stumbled upon CowPatties Cloth diapers facebook page.
 | |
| custom cowpatty diaper-fabric of my choosing |
Megs of CowPatties will make you any diaper you want in any fabric combo you want. She has dope fabric in stock or you can send her your own. Shit! She has Hello Kitty and Care Bears and Minky Fabrics to die for.
After I found CowPatties it was all downhill...I found site after site of customs and then the worst of all, high end boutique diapers.
In my opinion the best of the best is goodmama. O M G! That woman has serious good taste in fabric. She is also an evil genius. She tempts and teases with preview photos of what will be stocked in her online store on a certain day at a certain time. She does limited runs. Its a fucking feeding frenzy when she stocks. It's over in a matter of seconds and all of her cute ass little dipes are sold out.
She has a cult following (and she deserves it). The fit of her diaper is amazing. Her fabrics aren't just beautiful they are uber soft on the inside. Just do yourself a favor, don't go there. I'm currently in a self imposed twelve step program.
 |
| goodmama |
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Test Subject Ava
As different situations arise in the wonderful world of diapering I have to adjust. Not all diaper creams are cloth diaper friendly. Not all cloth diaper friendly creams are bad ass enough to knock out a serious diaper rash.
Ava has had one wicked diaper rash. I hated that mother f'er. The sight of ouchies on my girls "area" really pissed me off. I've actually seen worse rashes but, they weren't on MY baby. I took care of a baby boy whose mother left his diapering to his older siblings. When I removed his diaper his little baby balls were the size of an apple and his entire diaper area was inflamed. I digress, Ava's rash was nothing epic but I still hated it. Since then at the slightest hint of a rash I just go straight to the big guns.
It's quite easy to protect your cloth diapers from "unfriendly" creams a simple piece of fleece will wick wetness away from the baby and protect the diaper. You can buy fleece liners. I personally just cut rectangles from fleece yardage. I found it way less expensive. Fleece doesn't unravel so you don't even need to finish the edges.
The next weapon in battle rash is breath-ability. You want airflow. So, I try to steer away from her polyurethane lined pockets. If we aren't going anywhere I'll just put her in an old school prefold. I trick it out with a hemp doubler (insert from her hemp dipes) and then the fleece, and then a mighty glob of triple paste.
I leave her cover-less in this combo. The outside of the prefold gets damp and I know it's time to change her. I have never gotten a soaked lap or furniture and this has always squashed the evil rash dead in it's tracks.
Tune in next time for our experiments in night diapering. Baby Godzilla and her epic night leaks have presented quite a challenge for me.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hello Mudder Hello Fadder...
My Parents are dead. My mother went to her next life when I was twenty two. My father joined her when I was about thirty five. That asshole cancer got them both. I'm at peace with this, most of the time. They raised me to understand death. There were no dichotomies of religion in my house. They both believed they would just "change clothes" and move on. So, that is what they did.
I never feel sadness or pain about them leaving. I do sometimes battle with the images left in my mind of their actual exit. Cancer and it's "treatments" can leave your loved ones quite wounded. Both times I had to speak for them and say it's time to stop this moderntorture medicine. I did that because that is how they raised me. I knew they would want to be free.
Now that Ava is here, I'm struggling just a bit with their absence. I know they would all enjoy each others company so very much. I am not going to choose a path of sadness. I am going to channel their best qualities. I am going to let Ava know them through me. I will channel their love of theater. I will bring out my mothers love of all things childlike, fairies, elves, toys, games etc... I will show her my fathers love of nature and his general reverence for life. Neither of them lived perfect lives. None of us do.
I will resurrect their good parts for my child. She will still have them as grandparents. She will still be able to love them. I will tell her the stories of how I was raised by wolves...
I never feel sadness or pain about them leaving. I do sometimes battle with the images left in my mind of their actual exit. Cancer and it's "treatments" can leave your loved ones quite wounded. Both times I had to speak for them and say it's time to stop this modern
Now that Ava is here, I'm struggling just a bit with their absence. I know they would all enjoy each others company so very much. I am not going to choose a path of sadness. I am going to channel their best qualities. I am going to let Ava know them through me. I will channel their love of theater. I will bring out my mothers love of all things childlike, fairies, elves, toys, games etc... I will show her my fathers love of nature and his general reverence for life. Neither of them lived perfect lives. None of us do.
I will resurrect their good parts for my child. She will still have them as grandparents. She will still be able to love them. I will tell her the stories of how I was raised by wolves...
 |
| photo of the wolves taken by me age 5'ish |
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